Fly away friends...

I've noticed that the older I get the harder it is to make friends.  I've put a lot of thought in to why this is and I've come up with several reasonable answers.  It could be because I'm pickier about who I befriend.  Or is it that as people get older they are smart enough not to befriend me?  Maybe it's because as we get older we are less likely to travel outside of our already existing social circle for no real reason at all except we're content where we are.  I thought that other factors such as time and ability were pretty viable reasons, too.

Naturally, as it becomes harder to make friends you hold on to the ones you have tighter.  You also get a little more excited about the new ones you do make.  We've all been there, haven't we?  You meet a new person that you hit it off with right away.  You exchange phone numbers, Facebook information and whatever other method of contact you prefer.  You have many things in common, you invest a lot of time talking about current events and the rollercoaster of life and you may even tell some secrets.  Things are going great and you're stoked that you have this new person to hang out with.  Then for no obvious reason at all they're gone.  They don't return your calls or texts.  Maybe they don't show up for a planned outing.   You have this great new friend and the next thing you know your little friendly heart is broken and confused because they obviously aren't into hanging out with you anymore.  Do you smell bad?  Was the slightly racist joke you told too much?  Did they find out you really weren't rich after all? The bottom line is who knows!  At this point all we can do is try hard not to become the weird stalker-friend that no one likes to have.  Don't do that, it's creepy.

I'm a pretty big believer in people come in to your life for a reason and that reason may only last for a season.  If you've recently lost someone that you thought was going to be a good friend then I offer you a bit of advice.  First of all, don't take it personal.  Sometimes people just come and go and you're left with only yourself.  People are largely flighty by nature and suck in general.  The best thing to do is mold yourself in a way that you like and be comfortable with who you are because you are going to be alone with yourself a lot.  Second, put down the ice cream and get over yourself. Take a step back and take a look at the situation.  What was going on in your life when you met this person?  How did they fit in to your life at that point in time?  What did you get out of the friendship?  If you look hard enough you'll find some reason why they were beneficial to you at that point in your life.  If you look even harder you'll likely find why they won't be beneficial now.

Am I saying it's okay to be a fly away friend?  No way.  Don't do it.  It sucks and no one likes someone that changes friends like they hopefully change their underwear.  I'm simply saying that it's important to realize that they exist and you shouldn't always hate on them for having crappy social skills because your most recent fly away friend may have done something really great for you.  You may have to dig deep to find it and that is probably going to force you to be pretty honest with yourself but then again that's a good thing too, right?

Yes, it's certainly harder to make and keep friends as we get older.  Probably because life simply gets in the way.  Hold on tight to the friendships you already have.  Be a good person and do the right thing.  But if you had a bad experience with a fly away friend don't let it keep you from putting yourself out there and making new ones - even if they'll fly away too.  Chances are they did something for you and maybe you helped them, too.